Life With Alcoholics- Lesson #3843

image

I’ve spent twenty years of my life trying to understand alcoholism. I have gone to Alanon for families who deal with alcoholics. I’ve tried a more spiritual route such as prayer and church. I have read articles, books, and case studies.

I retired in my role as the provoker years ago. And I have exhausted myself as the martyr in recent years. Oh yes the martyrs. They are the ones who hope there is a day of awakening for the alcoholics in their life. Those that they either love or have loved.

The martyr has moments of hoping there will be a day the alcoholic feels bad for the deeds they have done. They just want to see apologies and recovery. Most of all, they want healing.

I have gone head to head with the ones who maintain the roles of being “the rescuer”. Years ago I was considered the rescuer too, so perhaps that is why their rescuing affects me like it does. I’d clean up the messes, apologize for many horrific social scenes of drunken stupor and I’d make excuses for the drunkenness all the time.

Over the course of time I got sick of being the provoker. I was tired of demanding respect, maturity, love and so forth. I got tired of telling stories of the things I would wake up to. I was tired of feeling embarrassed, mistreated, and unloved. So, I went on strike after that.

To me, the rescuers seem just as bad as the alcoholics themselves. They appear to have every excuse under the sun for the behavior of the alcoholic. Nothing is the alcoholics fault. And I mean nothing. Everything is blamed on people in the past or present days of the alcoholics life.

The rescuers claim they love their alcoholic but tough love has gone astray. They can’t find it no matter how hard they look. And they just can’t stand up to the alcoholic in effort to get them the treatment that they need.

Sometimes the alcoholic wants help but they do not have one person whom they respect to look them in the eyes and say: “Man you have a problem and you need serious help. Are you ready to get better yet? Because I can’t keep watching this. It is hurting everyone around you but mostly you!”

Questions of the day for the rescuers:

If your loved one had any other disease like Multiple Sclerosis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Kidney Disease, Liver Disease etc. and everyone around them could tell just by looking at them…..wouldn’t you try to help them?

Or would you make a bunch of excuses and blame others for the loved one not being in their best health? Would you claim other people gave them their disease? Would you say they had no disease regardless of their diagnosis?

Or would you continue to say: “Screw those people, they are all crazy. You’re just fine dear. Now I would help you but I just love you too much. And if I help you then that means I’d have to admit that I was wrong about you to all those people! So we will just keep this between us and go on about our business. Okay?”

Advertisements

Enablers Promote Addiction

claimpastoritclaimsfutureAlthough addiction is a mental state, by far the worst addiction trait comes from the enablers themselves. Enablers are every addicts stumbling block, and they prevent addicts from receiving the help they need and deserve.

Enablers want to fix things but in all the wrong ways. They want to sweep their family struggles under the rug and often deny they are the biggest obstacle in the addicts life. Enablers often overlook the fact that they too, need help.

The enablers pay the addicts legal fees, help mask the lies, or provide the addict with a multitude of ways to feed their habit. They finance the habit, provide food and housing, and truly believe that they are helping the addict.

Enablers will not hold the addict accountable, or themselves. Enablers are often found blaming or making excuses for the addicts problems. In fact, the enabler will often justify the addiction more than the addict themselves.

If enablers faced charges and were held accountable for the destruction of another human being, perhaps there would be less addicts. It seems that when an addict truly gets clean, the enablers have no more clout. And when that power is lost, they too have no choice but to fix themselves, or find someone new to enable.

Addiction is nasty in and of itself. If you are trying to get to a better place, then you must distance yourself from the triggers. And your biggest trigger, will always be the Enabler.

 

 

 

 

Purest of Intentions

 

image

A wise man once said “He with the purest of intentions gets the purest of results”. 

I’ve questioned the truth to that statement over the years. I’ve found that sometimes those results take time. But in the end, if your heart is/was in the right place and your intentions are/were pure; the end results will be too. 

 

 

 

Angels Are Near

image

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Humility And Wisdom

Image

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

For Love Of… Pride

Biblical definition of love

Although love has many faces, in general; Love is to give without expecting anything in return. There is no scoreboard or a need to keep track. There is no “tit for tat”, or “I did this, so you should do that.”

With that being said; how many people do you say “I love you” to, that you expect nothing from in return? (And I mean nothing.) Is there one, three, or none?

Now, how many people say “I love You” to you, and expect absolutely  nothing from you? They just want to love you. If you have even one, cherish them. If you have more than one, you are beyond blessed.

Once this definition of love is grasped, life and relationships tend to make more sense. Only then might one begin to ask: is it love, or is this pride? Or perhaps it is, for the love of pride?

Since only one of those answers is a winner, I hope your answer was love.

Love is an action. And this world, could use a tad bit more action.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 Keys To A Better Life

Keys to life© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.