Waiting For A Change
relationship
Are These Three Types Of People In Your Life?
Relationships of any kind with certain types of personalities may seem impossible. Perhaps because they are! Especially if they are the three types described below.
Censorious people in relationships are hard to please and they are very hypercritical. They are the ones who accuse, condemn, chastise, criticize, and pretty much make a person feel as low as possible. What they fail to realize is that they are the primary reason that all of their relationships fail. Nothing seems to satisfy them, leaving in place a huge relationship landmine.
Censorious people are the opposite of what a relationship needs to survive. In a healthy relationship partners will praise, encourage, and compliment one another just as they should. They feel grateful and thankful for one another and their interactions with one another are a direct reflection of such.
Malcontent people in relationships are also a huge landmine and because one feels so dissatisfied or unfulfilled, it can lead to many different scenarios ranging from the disrespectful ways one would speak to or treat one another, to adultery or even the abandonment of the relationship.
These people are full of regret and resentment, and because of this you will surely hear about it repeatedly if you decide to stick around and put up with it. What they fail to realize, is that it is themselves that they are miserable with. It has nothing to do with the people they encounter or that they try to build relationships with.
Recorders or Historians in relationships will recall everything in the present but they are particularly obsessed with the past. They let nothing go and can cause what would have been a wonderful and life long relationship, to dissipate.
Building something long term with this personality type is like building upon quicksand. No matter how hard you try to prove yourself it continues to deteriorate and crumble. It is impossible for the recorders to truly enjoy the present because they are too busy dredging up the past. They will never move forward until they stop looking back.
So what do you do when you are in a relationship with these types of people? RUN! Just kidding. You do not have to run. You can walk instead.
Once these patterns are present on a regular basis whether it be a lover or a friend, you may have better luck forming a close bond with a brick wall. These people are energy vampires and will suck you dry. Tread lightly.
From Both Sides Of The Fence: Cheater vs. Victim
When cheating occurs both sides endure pain. Both sides feel theirs is greater. But whose is really? Can pain really be measured?
From my experience, the cheaters feel their pain is the same as their partners. They feel pain, loss, heartache, and failure. They feel dark, lost, alone, weak, and broken. They can’t believe they hurt someone who loved them.
More often than not a cheater doesn’t realize the depth of a partners love, until they see the pain their partner experiences when the cheating is revealed. In most cases, cheaters did not set into a relationship to cheat. At some point, needs were not being met. This does not justify cheating. Cheating is however a symptom of an already broken relationship. Things were broken long before an affair began.
Cheaters often wish the victim would quit talking about it or bringing it up. At times, cheaters are walking on eggshells with even the thought that their partner may be revisiting such bad memories. At other times the cheaters may appear nonchalant saying phrases like; “Get over it, Cant we move on already, Can we make up, etc.” Or perhaps the cheater plays that they are the victim.
Typically after finding out one has cheated, the story goes a little bit or a lot like this:
Cheater – I love you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Victim – Hind sight is 20/20. Thanks for showing me your version of love, jerk/b***h!
Cheater – I did it because ____, I did it because you didn’t ______, I did it because I was drunk/lonely.
Victim- There is NO excuse! Tell me the real reason please! Why wasn’t I worth the truth?
Cheater- How long will it take to get your forgiveness?
Victim – Can you be any more shallow? Can you exercise some patience here and help me clean up this mess you made before you ask such a ridiculous question. There is no time limit. I have no idea. I am still trying to figure out if I can even stand to be near you!
Cheater – Why are you always so negative now? Man you are in a bad mood!
Victim – Well, you should have thought of my mood when you did what you did. For wanting something positive you sure infected this relationship with your negativity. You did this! Not me!
Cheater – How do we move forward?
Victim – Move forward? I am still trying to figure out how I will survive today!
Cheater – This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted you. I didn’t want to hurt you!
Victim- Again, hindsight is 20/20. If you wanted me you should have been faithful. If you didn’t want to hurt me you would have been honest. You would have had some class, and character.
Cheater – He/She/They didn’t mean anything to me.
Victim – Wow, really? Sure means something to me now that I finally found out!
Cheater – How can I make things better?
Victim- I don’t know. But I do know your words mean nothing. You are a liar. Actions speak WAY louder! And your actions just spoke loud enough to last me a lifetime.
Cheater – Can you forgive me? What do you want?
Victim- I don’t know what I want! I don’t know anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew, I didn’t. I have been played the fool. This is SO embarrassing. Was any of this even real?
Cheater- Do you still love me?
Victim – Either doesn’t answer at all, or says I don’t know.
While the cheaters often carry guilt and pain, in my opinion it does not even compare to
the pain that the betrayed partner carries. But I guess it truly would depend on the situation. Again, pain is hard to measure. (Everyone’s tolerance is so different.)
Once betrayed by a partner and the intimacy you once knew has been shared with someone else the entire relationship appears to have been a hoax. Nothing seems real. The betrayed feel violated emotionally, mentally, and sexually. You just feel dirty.
What doesn’t change is the amount of pain it inflicts on the faithful partner, the one who had hope and the one who believed. The one who never questioned anything.
Yeah, that one will forever be changed.
Falling Apart or Falling In Place
Sometimes things will completely fall apart and we will question why. And at times, we may be grasping for straws trying to comprehend it all and why things are the way they are. But it is always in those times, that we need to look deeper into it.
Perhaps these/those things were meant to fall apart all along. And maybe (just maybe…) they were never meant to be together in the first place. We may have just been off course.
Sometimes…… things will have to fall apart in our life for the right things to finally fall in place.
So the next time you find yourself discombobulated from everything falling apart around you just remember ….that it’s not falling apart after all. Things are finally falling into place.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Uneducated Enthusiasm
“Deception has many forms. Just because it appears to be right, doesn’t mean that it is not wrong.“
We are all guilty at some point of becoming overly excited about something or someone when we have not obtained all of the facts. From jobs to relationships or anything new, we get excited.
When we encounter new people or situations in our life, it may appear to be total perfection. Perhaps it all seems to fit so well. It may seem to be exactly what we have waited for or what we need at the time.
When we get excited like that it is time to search for the facts, and just slow down the pace. If we do not, we are merely suffering from uneducated enthusiasm.
We can not rush into decisions because when we do, we are often headed for a disaster. It is far more important to make decisions slowly and with wisdom, than to do it in a rush and have the relationship or situation end in total disgust.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Are You Waiting For Change?
If we are waiting for someone to change in order for us to feel fulfilled and happy then we are wasting our valuable time and energy.
As we now change comes from within. And we can not change others. We can only change how we deal with them. And some are just best not to deal with at all. It keeps us healthier mentally and emotionally.
If someone else’s actions or lack there of are hurting you, then it is time to walk away. We have to protect ourselves. We are the only ones responsible for our own happiness so it is up to us to look out for what is in our best interests.
10 Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Mate
By Running From Problems We Gain Weight Instead of Losing It
Running from our problems is like running on a treadmill. Instead of losing weight, we gain it. We stay in the same spot consistently and it makes it impossible for us to reach a new destination, or goal.
Whatever it is that we choose to run from; will always find us. Sure, we may be naive and think that there are certain things nobody could know or find out. We may also believe that there is no need to tell because it will only do more damage. However, if we think either of those things then we are only fooling ourselves.
If we do not claim these things in life or these experiences that we have encountered, how could we possibly fix them? Better yet, how can we claim to have learned a lesson from something we refuse to acknowledge or even discuss? We can’t fix something if we do not admit where it is broken. Right?
Wallowing in our secrets only brings more shame in the end. And shame, only adds more weight. Isnt it time for a change of scenery? Why not have a productive work out? The treadmill isn’t working out to well. It is time to unplug the machine. It is time to switch the work out plan, and use one that actually works.
By stepping off of the treadmill and facing the problems, weight loss begins instantly. We feel light, free, and most importantly…happy.
For today: Face those problems and decisions that have plagued your life, and reclaim what is yours. By facing the problems at hand, you will be closer to your desired outcome.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Truth or Dare – The Game of Chances
Truth or Dare is a game we play daily, and a game of choice. We can either speak the truth, or dare to bear the consequences.
The consequences of taking the Dare or telling the lie could be; losing a relationship, a job, a child’s heart, losing others respect or whatever else may apply. No matter what the case may be, we are always better off choosing the truth. It is the safest way to play.
The consequences of truth are well-known in advance. So, the person may not speak to you for a while. They may avoid you or the issue at hand. They may even try to turn it around or blame you or others. However, over time they will most likely respect you for telling them the truth.
Telling the truth will cause some sort of friction but only because the truth does hurt. What we must all remember is; the truth never hurts as much as not being worth the truth at all. We should be honest in all things, because, nobody is really worth lying to. Why sacrifice ourselves?
Each dare that we take has a hidden price-tag. The price will not be visible until we get to the register. Usually, if there is no price-tag visible it is because we can’t really afford it.
Due to the expense, each dare will eventually lead to emotional bankruptcy. If we invest in lies then we will be guaranteed to lose in this life long game of Truth or Dare. Why play to lose?
There is only one guaranteed way to win this game of Truth or Dare, and that is by picking the truth every time. Although the dares may be ones way of filing for bankruptcy, the truth is more like purchasing stock. There is no better investment in life, than having emotional freedom. The truth is not only free to invest in, but it sets us free too.
The truth is what keeps us upright and walking in light; whereas taking the dares will force us to walk in darkness. What do you get when you mix darkness and light, or black and white? Gray skies, and cloudy days! Keep those who rebuke the truth, far away.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Straight A’s of Communication When Wanting To Resolve Issues or Conflicts
We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.
There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.
Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.
Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people. A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.
Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.
Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.
As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
The Empoweror 